Have you noticed how everyone talks about pregnancy and birth, but less so about what happens after you have your baby? Adjusting to the “fourth trimester” is difficult for everyone involved, and families are often encouraged to keep the messiness of their experience under lock and key. I’ve noticed that people are especially silent when you have a disability. Parents with disabilities are seemingly uninvited to any conversation around managing the postpartum period, thus excluding disabled people from joining discussions around giving birth and having children. However, whether or not you live with a disability, the postpartum space is special and all of our bodies have individualized needs that can affect our postpartum journey.
In our society, public spaces and services are set up in a manner that usually don’t accommodate those of us with different ways of operating. This is an example of ableism (discrimination in favor of those whose bodies act in ways society considers normal or healthy). Yet, those who experience limitations can still set up their personal space so that interactions with their family members – including their newborn(s) – can be fulfilling. Parents with disabilities, and their support systems, can create their ideal postpartum by exploring accessibility in feeding themselves and their newborn(s), obtaining sleep, and taking breaks.
Here are some examples:
- You have probably spent time discussing whether your newborn will be bottle or chest fed, use formula or pumped milk, etc. You might also want to decide what type of chair or couch will be most comfortable for you to feed your baby.
- Whether you lack mobility in your upper body, or just don’t want your arms to get tired, I encourage using big and firm pillows to help hold your baby in an upright position for feeding.
- Set up multiple safe spaces within arm’s reach to place your baby when you need a break or your hands for other tasks.
- Feeding areas near where your baby will sleep and close to where you will prepare your baby’s milk can save time and effort during the day and night.
- Take time to think about how you want to provide your baby with sleep and where that will take place, especially relative to where you and other caregivers rest.
- Dream a little about how you will provide yourself with some hours to snooze. Perhaps your plan is to hire a postpartum doula, or you and your baby’s other caregivers have a loose schedule of when the other person takes a break to nap.
Rush culture and capitalism give us the impossible task of being and doing everything for our babies. Your body needs rest from birthing, from being a supportive partner, from tending to your baby’s every need, from your overwhelmed mind. Yet, your own wellbeing may fall to the wayside. It can feel impossible to make time for rest and nourishment as you keep up with your basic human needs to be functional enough to parent your newborn, even when you are able-bodied!
Our society needs to start normalizing that caring for a newborn takes many people – and that whether a parent is able-bodied or not, all the labor of caring for a new human should not be put disproportionately on the birthing parent. Postpartum doulas have experience with newborn care, how the body recovers from giving birth, and can provide valuable insight into the postpartum period. Working with a postpartum doula is a great way to support your new family and give yourself a break. Your postpartum doula will collaborate with you on how to make your lives easier and more enjoyable during a tumultuous period. By inviting parents with disabilities to the conversation about the postpartum period, we make for a more supportive and nourishing experience for our diverse community of families.
