Why High-Achieving Women Become the Default Parent—And What to Do About It

This guest blog comes to us from Chelsea Boateng, The Professional Parent

Hi! I am Chelsea; mom of four and a seasoned career professional turned parenting coach. If you’re anything like the professional women I work with (and me), you’re used to being the one who holds it all together. You’re strategic. You plan ahead. You’ve led teams, managed crises, and handled a hundred moving parts without dropping the ball.

But here’s the thing: you can’t out-perform a broken family system. And when it comes to early parenthood, it’s easier to prevent than repair.

What worked in your career—hyperfunctioning, anticipation, control—can quietly work against you in motherhood. Because while your career has a team, parenthood doesn’t…unless you build one. (NOTE: If you’re looking for in-home support during the first few months of your baby’s birth, contact Metropolitan Doulas. As postpartum doulas, we know that every postpartum journey is unique and that any parent may be the “default” caregiver in their family, and believe that all parents deserve non-judgemental care tailored to meet their needs and support their growth and success.)

Many women don’t realize they’re slipping into Default Parent Syndrome until they’re already deep in it. It doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a slow drift—a mix of unspoken assumptions, lack of system design, and silent endurance.

Let’s talk facts: 70% of women carry the majority of the emotional labor at home—even when both partners work full-time. And research shows relationship satisfaction can drop by 40% in the first year after a baby is born.

But that doesn’t have to be your story. In fact, it’s my mission to make sure it’s not.

How to Prevent Becoming Default Parent

As part of my mission, I created the Powerhouse Identity Shift Program, a four phase program that focuses on Awareness, Repatterning, Partnership, and Evolution. The transformation? Learning how to leverage the strengths that made you successful, without them misfiring in motherhood to land you as the default parent, and without having to choose between ambition, motherhood, or your relationship.

Are you a Mental Manager, Quiet Carrier, Checklist Chaser—or one of the other patterns silently shaping your default roles? The moment you name the pattern is the moment you start shifting the system.

Because real preparation for parenthood isn’t just about choosing the right stroller or taking a birth class—it’s about learning how to lead differently.

Ready to find out which pattern might be quietly operating behind the scenes?

Let’s uncover it together. 

The views and opinions expressed in this guest blog post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Metropolitan Doulas.