Written by Betsy Quiligan
Self-Care with a Newborn
Living with a newborn can be difficult. That’s not news. Often when folks are trying to be helpful to new parents, they will offer advice like “Sleep when the baby sleeps” or “Take time for yourself.” Sometimes those platitudes are helpful, but more often they leave parents at a loss on how to practically add anything to their new daily routines. So what does self-care* look like when you’re on a 24-hour cycle of feed, diaper, and sleep on repeat?
The first week is unique. You are getting to know your baby, who is likewise getting his first exposure to the world. There’s a lot of change for the baby, for the birthing person, and for all the caretakers in the home. So self-care goals for the first week home should be similarly fluid. The first
week of the baby’s life requires a lot of time and effort on their immediate physical needs; don’t let your focus on the baby exclude your own physical needs.
At some point, parents find the adrenaline of a new parenthood is wearing off, and they are settling in for
the marathon of parenting ahead. The baby has likewise become more accustomed to the outside world and may be more active or more reliable or more communicative. Largely though, physical needs of the baby remain a primary concern, with the physical needs of the parents secondary.
So what are some tangible suggestions for taking care of yourself?
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One of the most important factors in how new parents feel is sleep — so an option for self-care is a dedicated baby-free chunk of time day or night when you can rest — really, truly rest. It doesn’t need to be a marathon sleep, just time when you are “off the clock.”
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Self-care could be eating (and savoring, not scarfing!) an actual meal. Food is a traditional gift from friends and family when a baby is born, in acknowledgment that navigating the kitchen is challenging with a newborn. Whether it’s gifted, ordered in, microwaved, or handmade, enjoy a real meal – one that will leave you feeling healthy.
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For some new parents, taking a shower or a walk can be restorative. Having some space alone to hear your own thoughts, reconnect with your body, and accomplish one non-baby related task can feel great. Similarly, meditation apps have made short relaxing exercises available to us at any time of the day or night.
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Leaving the house can be a practical nightmare with a newborn (see our blog on that here: https://metropolitandoulas.
com/2019/01/06/getting-out-of- the-house-with-your-newborn/). There are the trips you must do — the pediatrician, the grocery, walking the dog, etc. All of this can conspire to keep you inside your home more than you are used to, and some parents go a little stir crazy. As a result, you may find getting out of the house for pleasure an exercise in self-care. Take a short walk, peruse the magazine stand at CVS, or stop by a Starbucks. The key to this is that it is not accomplishing some other goal, no multitasking — it is only for you. -
All of these things sound simple, right? They can be hard to work in if you have a baby who only wants to be held 24/7. Or if you are down to your last clean swaddle. Or if your litter box hasn’t been cleaned since you left for the hospital. So the last big tip is a doozy — ASK FOR HELP. None of us parents alone – we all rely on the community around us, no matter what it looks like on Instagram. So accept offers of help, ask for it when you feel overwhelmed, and try to use your community to give you space for some self-care.
If your community of friends and family can’t be there for you during the workday or overnight, give us a call. Metropolitan Doulas is a team of 40+ postpartum doulas specially trained and experienced in assisting families with newborns. We can answer your questions with evidence-based research, help with practical needs around your home, and give guidance to help make self-care part of your routine.
*For more about what self-care for parents is, please see this excellent NYT article by local Washington, DC perinatal psychologist Dr. Pooja Lakhshmin. https://parenting.nytimes.com/
